Searching for Love / Nicholas Ilechie

It’s often a tricky and funny thing to hear when folks say they can’t find “true love” or say they are “searching for love”…

The idea of it destroys the whole purpose and foundation of love.

Let’s not even get to Christians who say “Love does not exist” or popular ones “ Love is a scam” and they say this as a joke or sometimes believe in the idea of it …

Food for thought; how can you call yourself a Christian or say you believe in God and don’t believe in the totality of Him which is Love…

So saying love does not exist is saying Christ does not exist or saying Christ is a scam, because If the scriptures say Christ is Love yet you don’t believe in Love how then can you believe in Christ?

Probably why you find it hard to understand Christ —— that’s a side discussion for another day, back to our topic.

One can’t search for love or find love, love is not a feeling nor is it an object...

Love is a decision, it is a vow you choose to stand firmly on against the odds.

One can search for attraction or compliments

But love must be built.

Attraction can be gained with

Money
Appearance
Beauty or Looks
Personality
Intelligence
Aura
Skills
Character
And so on…….

There’s no “better way” to find attraction - just as we are all different so also are our desires and what attracts us.

Just because one person finds attraction in money and men of a class does not make her less worthy than another who finds attraction in poverty or simple and basic men.

Likewise, one may be attracted to only beautiful women and another cares less about beauty but more about the shape and size of his lady, and another in intelligence...

One may find attraction in poetry and poets and another in music and musicians.

It really doesn’t matter how you find attraction.

But Attraction is not Love, it’s only a feeling and feelings are like thin smoke 💨

Problems eventually arise when folks begin to base their definition of Love solely on attraction.

Yet attraction is a prerequisite to Love.

So what then Love?

Love is like a tree,

Its seed is the attraction,

And when this seed is planted,

It Must be nurtured with sunlight and water and fertilizers which we express as care; calling, texting, writing poems, date nights, selflessness, gifts, vacations, flowers, and all of those things …

And over time these little things when appreciated and reciprocated turns out to create a strong tree which we see as a strong Bond where we say I can’t live without him/her and thus produces forth fruits forever and ever.

And this is what we eventually term TRUE LOVE 😅…

Let’s say the planter is a woman and the seed is the attraction of a man whom she crushes on.

Now many folks quickly misinterpret that attraction to love rather than just a feeling and feelings deceive.

But when that attraction is pondered upon day and night and actions are taken it becomes a seed planted and then they perhaps become friends and she starts calling him every day and every night, writing heartfelt letters, showing care and concern for his well-being, supporting in ways possible, and participating things he cherishes or finds joy in.

Now this man receiving this care and gifts and all from this lady is like the ground where the seed is planted, perhaps he may not even be aware of her intentions but one day that seed will grow 😅 and he will come to realize he is already so fond of her that he now believes he has fallen in love with her, but that realization will happen only at a certain day or time...

So the question is did he fall in love with her on the day of his realization?

Or it took all of those things and months or years to fall In love with her?

If we look closely in hindsight it took all of those things to fall in love with her — it’s the same with the tree, for weeks and months you keep watering the ground and adding fertilizers and perhaps nothing shows forth and after some time you see a leaf and then it grows and keeps growing till it becomes a tree.

Now if the attraction and desires are shared from the onset by both the man and the woman they would both simultaneously nurture the seed and it would thus grow fast to become a tree…

We then say “I found my soul mate 😂😂😂”

However, if it is one-sided then it would require a lot of effort to bring forth the first leaf which is the realization from the second part of the relationship or marriage, and from then it may continue to grow and become more appreciated thus eventually also becoming “I found my true love”.

This is the same thing for marriages, sometimes we marry even without yet being deeply in love with our wives depending on how long the courtship or dating process lasted...

We may sometimes marry when we find compliments or peace or solid attraction yet not deeply in love with him/her (but in some cases, the knotting of the marriage vows is the definition of love itself).

If you recall earlier I said: love is a decision and choosing that person is one of the most profound forms of love provided it was done genuinely and not for selfish reasons, as it is the foundation of that decision or seed being planted which thus is the beginning of the Love Chapter(Tree) of Your Life and will only grow in respect to how you nurture it...

Many folks end the nurturing after the ceremony, but in truth, the ceremony is only the beginning of the process.

Sooooooo a question 🙋🏽‍♂️ on the contrary

What if after doing all of those things he doesn’t come to the realization of her love?

Or fails to fall in love with her?

Well, that’s why we have trees that don’t bring forth fruits and soils that aren’t fertile…

When you come to a late realization and acceptance that your soil isn’t fertile, you don’t just give up, first, you should try to get the best fertilizers possible and implement the best planting skills possible and if the fertilizers still don’t work then you must leave that land and go find new grounds where your seed can grow.

What if you realized your soil is infertile after marriage and can’t find new grounds?

Then I can’t help you cause you both didn’t understand Love in the first place which means you both don’t understand Christ either ...

Ideally, all marriage in Christ should work cause in Christ marriage is a triangle, you’re both married to Christ and the more you both know and draw closer to Christ, the more you both find yourselves loving one another.

At this point, all you can do is ask God for mercy to endure or go for endless therapy sessions.

Because if you had laid the foundation of your marriage in line with the word of God then you wouldn’t be in such positions…

On the other hand, perhaps you aren’t yet married you don’t stop being a planter or farmer just because you are challenged with bad soils

In the same light, when you pour your heart to do all the best and your love is not reciprocated learn to move on and find a new attraction, you will always find attraction but when you focus too much on your wasted effort from the previously planted seed you just may never be strong enough to find new soil.

But here’s the thing there is actually a way to spot good soils and land even before planting

So how then can one find a good soil for his/her seed to be planted upon and nurtured that won’t lead to a dead tree or wasted plantings...

The Word — Which is Christ…

When the foundation of a relationship is birthed in Christ, His doctrines and teachings...

That relationship would surely stand firm and strong against all odds.

And remember the words of Christ in Matthew 7:21 "Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven...

A Relationship in Christ should be one that is evidently in line with the Loving and Gracious Will of our Father in Heaven who designed it all.

And if you ever forget what Love should be, remember the words of Paul

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never ends.
Paul- 1 Corinthians 13:4–8a (ESV)

Thanks for reading
Still your favorite writer
Klaus